Effects of Holding Back My Tears

so we got back, and broke up again. what the fuck.

if there's one thing that makes me go nuts, it's uncertainty.

what will become of us, really?

i know what i freakin' want, how about you?

i'm starting to hate you. you're turning into a complete ass. i don't know you anymore.

my gut tells me you're stringing me along.. i can't help but doubt.

shit. i gotta stop this. i'm starting to become pathetic.

if we can't save our relationship, i'll at least save my pride. self-worth is way more important than a deteriorating love anyway.

gotta get over this, and focus on my career. it's all i have now (aside from my loved ones of course).

Wala Naman

Ang sakit.

After ng break-up ko sa una kong boyfriend, di ko naisip na mas masakit sa pangalawang beses.

Hindi ko na nga kinayang mag-english.

Sa totoo lang, wala na kong ibang masabi dito kundi... Masakit. Sobrang nasasaktan ako... Sa nangyari, sa mga nangyayari, sa ginawa nya, at sa mga ginagawa nya.

Gusto ko nang lumipas to...

Kung wala na talaga kami, sabihin na nya. Hindi yung kung anu-ano pa yung nilalagay nya sa facebook at tinetext sa kin. Para alam ko kung saan ako lulugar.

Masakit maghintay. Masakit umasa. Masakit maghiwalay. Pero kung hindi mo alam kung alin sa mga yun ang gagawin mo ang pinakamasakit.

***

Magre-reply na ko sa mga text nya para makipag-ayos. Magiging matapang na lang ako kung ano man ang maging resulta.

Pero aminado ako sa sarili ko na sabihin mo lang na nagsisisi ka at magbabago, at ako pa rin lang ang mahal mo, pakshet, di ako magdadalawang-isip na kalimutan lahat. Hay...

Pusong-mamon talaga ko.

I Will Take You Forever... No More

We broke up.

There. Simple and direct.

I've been holding my tears for three straight days. There were times I've slipped, couldn't control shedding some. But now that I'm done with my test for the month, it feels liberating to finally let my guard down and just cry.

***

I'm listening to our song right now. And I can't help but just cry harder. Louder.

***

Life goes on.

***

"That I will take you forever And there will never be anyone else in my heart... but you"

Sweet!

My heart melted then and there. :')

Greenery

Ever since I've joined Haribon, I've always wanted to go here. But due to budget constraints, numerous org activities, and stressful academic requirements way back in college, I always forget this itinerary in my mind. But when I saw Bethany's photos taken in La Mesa, man, my fire to visit this place was rekindled.


I wanna have a boat ride; do rapelling, wall climbing, and paintball; and swim!! (Ok, maybe I could skip the paintball part) Yey!! And of course, have a stroll in the whole park. I'm so excited! I made Ian promise that we'll go here in July. La Mesa, wait for me. Triple yay! :)

***Apologies for the numerous exclamation marks. I tend to do that when I'm excited. :)

Til the next post. And oh, watch out for the pictures.

Bliss

I've missed Ian. I'm really happy we're okay now, and happier.. The redundancy is intentional, mind you.

I was wrong when I judged him before. I felt terrible for it, but hey, I've made up for it now.

It's cheesy to write this.. But I'm about to burst.

I truly love him.

So there. I know I haven't said this to him in person, but it's true. He may have faults, but he's the best boyfriend for me. Don't worry, I'm not gonna rave about him, 'coz that's just so fangirl-ish... And scary.

I don't know where life could lead us, or how long our relationship could stand time and its tests. But I feel so blessed, having found someone whom I could share my geekiness with, and bring out the better in me.

I love you, Ian.


The reason why I'm not ashamed of broadcasting this? 'Coz I know he won't be able to read this. *wink*

***Reading this note, I relaized I've lost my writing style. But it's never too late to develop a new one, right? Guess I really have to brush up my skill, else, it'll fade.

Direct Way to Success

I'm on a new account now! It's more expensive, more stable, and gives way mooooooooore importance to quality than my previous one.

So there... I'm given another shot to have a better beginning. I hope I'll have my chance again, and succeed this time on being a trainer.

***My trainer was also an alumna of UPLB, but she graduated a year ahead of me, and yet she's now a trainer! I was suddenly pressured when I learned this. Gah! Double time, Eli!